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GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

November, 1991

Gay Steppers

by Mark Chadbourne

This month the Cleveland Clinic sponsors a highly anticipated workshop with Dr. Timmen Cermak. Cermak is noted as a pioneer in establishing codependence as a legitimate psychological diagnosis. His work, "Diagnosing and Treating Codependence," defines the disorder and outlines its treatment. Cermak has legitimized codependence as a developmental disorder in standards set forth for the revision of the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual, Fourth Edition), as a variant narcissistic disorder resulting from prolonged occurrence of abuse and stress similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and projective identification.

There are many misperceptions about this disease that have been tagged onto the general public's understanding. In the late 1950's a few Family Systems therapists developed an insight into psychological disorders. Their observations held that psychological disorders existed not only with the individual but between individuals. When the chemical dependency field began incorporating family system principles in the early '70's, the whole family underwent treatment with the designated patient. Treating the whole family made clear that addiction doesn't take root in

individuals apart from their surroundings, the whole family exhibited similar symptoms whether or not the individuals of the family were addicted themselves. Later, it was seen that codependence occurs multi-generationally as well and occurs in a larger segment of society than had originally been observed.

The symptoms of the disease seem to have five criteria for diagnosis, both in Cermak's model and in other therapists' models. Pia Mellody describes five primary symptoms and Cermak suggests that at least three of the symptoms must be identified in order to fall into the disease category. The five primary symptoms are as follows:

1) The inability to esteem oneself without projection identification.

2) Anxiety around boundary distortions concerning intimacy and separation.

3) Inability to recognize and express one's reality around thinking, behaviors and especially emotions.

4) Enmeshment in relationships with personality disordered, chemically dependent, or impulse disordered individuals.

5) Difficulty in distinguishing between compulsive desires and legitimate needs.

There are secondary and tertiary symptoms which get more attention in the media-depression, substance, and process

Total financial planning

by William F. Bartolini

Wouldn't it be nice to be independently wealthy?

Wouldn't it be nice to go to a restaurant and order whatever you wanted to eat-without looking at the prices on the menu?

Wouldn't it be nice to buy what you want without having to debate whether you should or not?

Planning for your financial future, today, can make it possible. But for gay men and lesbians, there are a few important factors which can make a big difference with how much money you'll have.

First of all, let's make sure we all

planning.

Financial planning is not a new idea, it's been around for years. It's simply sitting down and planning how much income you'd like to have in the future. Financial planning often protects future income from excessive taxation and creates a simplified estate resolution.

There are various ways to go about developing a financial plan.

Mike Fedele, a gay man with ten years experience in the field, says people generally start by looking at their current financial situation.

"After you look at what current commitments you have, I suggest people look at what their goals are. For instance, what you want to be doing when you retire, how comfortable do you want to be, and how much money you want to have."

Next, take a look at how much you can afford to set aside.

"I can usually create a pretty accurate guess of how much someone will have at a certain time in the future with this information," says Fedele.

This may sound like an awful task, like writing a home budget. With a little help, usually from an insurance agent or financial consultant, it's not such a painful or costly process.

By determining where you want to be and what it's going to take to get there, people can relax and enjoy life, knowing that their future is more secure. Although one can't pinpoint the future for sure, you can have a good sense about what's going to happen, which makes the future more enjoyable.

What are the elements of a financial plan? Fedele indicates that financial plans are really built on three basic elements:

people, products, and time.

People are important because you need to work with someone you feel comfortable with, someone who understands your situation as a gay man or lesbian.

"For instance, if you have a lover," Fedele says, "you need to be mindful of legal survivorship rights. You may want to

include his or her name as a beneficiary or joint owner on an annuity, insurance contract, or other document."

"There are other ways to protect your significant other. For example, so your lover gets your estate with as little tax liability as

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AS MAIr vernet to danianato come Sigmcamowe as you UCU. Again, a financial counselor you can trust can give you more information.

Products become the backbone of your financial plan. You'll probably want to consider one that generates tax-deferred income. That is, income that you don't have to pay taxes on until you retire or begin using the money.

According to Fedele, tax-deferred instruments can give one of the largest returns right now, often more than certificates of deposit or money market accounts.

Some products will guarantee you a fixed return--a certain amount of income each month or year. Other products will give you a variable rate of return. Generally these instruments require that you take more risk with your money. In other words, you may make more money on the variable--but you could make less.

"Which one you choose really depends on how much money you can risk and your own tolerance for it," says Fedele.

Time is the third, and some say the most important factor in your financial plan.

The idea is to start as early as you can, so your money has time to grow. There's

nothing like money that's compounding interest, working for you, while you're out enjoying other things.

Besides, if you wait, you've got to put aside more to get the same result. That could hamper your style today.

"Unfortunately, most of us procrastinate and don't develop our financial plan when it can make the difference between a secure future or a worried one," said Fedele.

Then, with a chuckle he added, "Perhaps the best advice is from a maker of running shoes: 'Just do it!'''

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Start by thinking about your goals, what

abuse and/or addiction, physical, and sexual abuse, stress related illnesses, such as ulcers, chronic fatigue, colitis, lower back pain, headaches, hyperventilation, constricted emotions, hyper vigilance, negative control issues, and not surprisingly, bigotry, and prejudice.

The most common misperception about this disease is that it's about "co-ing" an addict. Any prolonged level of stress seems to generate survival behaviorisms in the codependent. When the codependent is freed from the stressors, the disease still remains and is progressive.

Studies of PTSD individuals have aided tremendously in understanding how the codependent relies heavily on a system of thinking based on misuse of willpower, denial and projection.

For those of us who are living or have lived lives of "quiet desperation" or the polar opposite of "self-will run riot," it has been a great relief to discover there is treatment available and recovery possible. One of the hallmarks of codependence, however, is the avoidance of seeking outside help and support. Those of us who have taken the first step know how exhausting and all-encompassing this disease is. We have begun a process of remembering, unlearning

and learning new lifeskills that help us to stay in remission. There are medications which have proven effective as well for those whose disease is further along in development.

For gays and lesbians the outlook is even more hopeful. Our community has been included in the recovery movement Lambda CoDa groups have sprung up all across the nation, and recently Co-depend ents Anonymous has approved literature which includes sexual orientation as boundary right and connects our sexuality with our spirituality!

All of us are affected by society's position on our sexualities. Some of us in recovery believe we deserve better and that we can change. We are beginning to believe that what we do affects others as well as ourselves. We've taken a look at ourselves, at our histories and seen the impact codependence has had in many lives. Our recovery has made an impact as well. Many of the movers and shakers in the lesbian-gay community are recovering. We have experienced a new hope in our lives that and does make a difference as we support one another in reaching our full potential individually and collectively.▼

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VACATIONS '92 is a packet of brochures and flyers describing a variety of U.S. and world vacation packages being offered by U.S. travel agents and tour operators to gay men and women in 1992. So, if you're tired of the same old vacation and you're looking for something new for '92 send an $8 check or money order, along with your name, address and phone number to:

Offer ends 2/1/92

Vacations '92 P.O. Box 2154 Neenah, WI 54956

All information is confidential

Booksellers

CLEVELAND

November Book Signings

William Heat-Moon, author of Prairyerth Friday, Nov. 1, 7-9pm at Pavilion Mall

Arlene Eisenberg, author of What to Expect When You're Expecting Monday, Nov. 11, 7-9pm at Westwood Town Center

Steve Starr, author of Picture Perfect Friday, Nov. 15, 7-9pm at Pavilion Mall

Marcy Hershman, author of Tales of the Master Race Friday, Nov. 29, 7-9pm at Pavilion Mall Jan Cigliano, author of Showplace of America Saturday, Nov. 30, 2-4pm at Pavilion Mall

Westwood Town Center

Rocky River 333-7828

you want to do when you retire, travel, relaxing by the poolside, or...? Then talk to your friends to see if they know of a financial planner they trust. You can also look up several in the yellow pages and ask them for

The Pavilion Beachwood 831-5035

Shaker Square Cleveland 751-9100

can

references and their credentials. Then, sit down and have a serious discussion with one.

"Do it, and in a few years, I'll see you on the beach!," laughed Fedele.▼